I convinced myself over the passed couple of months that I’m somehow bloated and not gaining weight–and I blame Draya and Nene Leakes and their damn Flat Tummy tea for that misnomer.
I watched the rise and fall of my tummy every day and dismissed it like, “Girl, we’re just bloated. No big deal,” and kept it pushing.
My calendar reminded me I’m about to go to Ibiza, Spain for this Bachelorette party (turn up) in a few weeks and I was like, aw yea. I need to get snatched quick without trying. So flat tummy tea seemed like a practical solution for this tight feeling around my lower belly aka “bloat”.
If celebs are
getting paid getting slim with it, it must work.
Swindled into the trend by my favorite Instagram models, (hey come on, we’re all susceptible), I asked my VP if I could expense a batch and give it a try.
I crawled through the pink and grey pages of the site to place my order, and I was inundated with the playful language of the brand voice
“Hey babe! You’re just a tea cup away from having abs.”
“Okayyy bitchhh!” I responded to the inanimate Web page “Let’s get fit!”
The order came super quick (priority mail)–I ordered it on a Friday and it was in my belly by Wednesday.
When I first opened up the pouch (which could actually serve as a makeshift makeup bag), I was kinda put off by the presentation. You basically get these pouches with all these herbs and spices like a bowl of incense.
This requires you to buy a tea strainer thing, because there are no tea bags.
Luckily our Style and Beauty Editor had a lovely green tea pot with strainer at her house so I was ready to go the next day.
The taste is…herbal. I can’t think of any other way to put it. It’s light–if you like tea anyway this will definitely be palatable to your taste buds.
I kept a half assed food diary on the first day of my cleanse.
Day 1- Flat Tummy Tea in morning. Ate terribly per usual. French toast, 10 pieces of bacon, vanilla gelato, kale chicken salad and chicken tostados with extra guacomole and two donuts LOL
Day 2 and 3, I did the Flat Tummy Tea in the morning and the night cleanse at night. (oh by the way, it’s a two part system)
Disclaimer, this is not me below:
Day 5 came and I was feeling…
stopped up uncomfortable to say the least.
I came over to my Managing Editor before our morning meeting and was like, “Yo, I haven’t taken a shit in like four days!”
The subsequent constipation was a surprise to me because senna, which is like the shitting herb, is a main ingredient.
Basically senna is said to help stimulate your bowel movements, but stimulate me, it did not.
I went on to take some laxatives and was finally free of my shit in the name of Jesus.
Long story short, it didn’t work for me.
I’m back to being as plant based as possible and walking as much as I can because as much as I’d like to say there’s a short cut to being in shape, there just ain’t.
Atleast not for me.
Have you tried it?