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Houston rap legend Scarface shares his troubled childhood in a new memoir, Diary of a Madman: The Geto Boys, Life, Death, and the Roots of Southern Rap. 

A portion from the book released by Billboard, Scarface, alongside the book’s co-author Benjamin Meadows-Ingram, writes a personal account of behavioral and mental health issues as a young man and how he sought attention by seeking out trouble and even making several attempts on his own life.

Looking back, I think I just wanted the attention,” Scarface says in the excerpt. “I see that now. But back then, I felt like attention was the last thing I wanted. I wouldn’t have been able to tell you if it was any one specific thing that had pushed me to that point. I just know that I was mad. Mad and sad. I felt like no one wanted me. My daddy was dead, and my mama didn’t want me. I didn’t really get along with my stepdad, and my grandma already had nine kids of her own, so there wasn’t really a place for me at her house either. I felt like I couldn’t do shit right, and the only way I could get any attention was by f—ing up. No one would come watch me play football or check out my baseball games or any shit like that, but as soon as I popped some kid in the face or busted somebody’s head open in class, everyone was there, telling me I was f—ed up for what I’d done, trying to take away my privileges and shit like that. That was the attention I was getting: for being a f—up.

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Scarface also recalls one attempt on his life and the reaction of being brought to the hospital.

I don’t remember too much about that particular day, but I know I was ready for it to be done,” he writes. “I was ready to get up out this bitch. So I went in my mother’s medicine cabinet and took all of her blood-pressure medication. I woke up on the bathroom floor with the ambulance parked outside and the paramedics trying to get me up and out the door. They took me to the hospital and gave me this stuff, ipecac, to clean out my stomach. I spent the whole next day puking my guts out. It was disgusting. I thought that shit was going to kill me! I was like, ‘Damn, you brought me all the way here to do me in like this?’ You could have just left me on the floor and saved everyone a hell of a lot of trouble.

Read more from Billboard’s piece on Scarface’s Diary of a Madman: The Geto Boys, Life, Death and the Roots of Southern Rap; click here.

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